The Occupy Movement

I get it, you're activists, and you've found a two-bit cause based on information that has been around for years. It's funny, when I was in high school, it wasn't a secret that 1% of the population held the wealth. It was no secret that 'normal' citizens all accepted that, moved on, said things like "well those people donate to charities". I was always skeptical of this. I didn't think that top 1% did enough and people said it didn't matter, the economy was booming and we were a wealthy country.

Now the economy is different. We haughtily stood by, proud, allowing for corporate interests to stand inside the foundation. Again, we're aware of the inequality, but the tactics being taken are ridiculous and in some cases irresponsible.

A lot more people are struggling now, looking for jobs, hoping for better, and the best idea people have is to occupy an area to make Wall Street aware of the fact we're upset? Newsflash. They've known it a long time and aren't likely to care anytime soon.

I see pictures of parents giving up a job search to "occupy". I don't respect them. Some political protest is not a good reason to turn on responsibility and give up fighting. All they're doing is allowing for whatever available jobs coming up to go to someone else, and with the guidelines for food stamps or other assistance received, I'm pretty sure being a part of the occupy movement does not count toward the community service and job search requirements to receive those benefits.

When you're single and don't have someone depending on you, you can choose to ideally sit somewhere thinking it will make a difference when you get arrested for sleeping in the park or staying past your permit. But what are you really asking for?

I see a bunch of sad, angry people reacting to a situation way too late. I see hope for a movement that has no strength because it's only fact is a statistic that has been present. It's not as if anyone was truly aware of the distance between the 1% and the 99%.

Tell me when you truly believe in something and have a plan to change it. I've never had much sympathy for people that are willing to complain to get other people to complain with them.

Am I part of the 99%? No shit. Of course I am, but I have kids to take care of. I do not sit idly by, I work and work trying to do the best I can.

You want to make a difference? Stop buying products from large corporations. Buy local. Talk to your neighbors. Develop your community. The people in those buildings aren't going to do anything for you--that's not where any kind of difference can be made. It's not your protest that speaks but what you choose to do with your dollars. In this consumer economy, our spending power and our voting power are often not very far removed.

Puzzle Pieces

It's another Saturday night, but I can't see the moon, and I'm certainly not headed over to the twist & shout. Honestly, I wish that I was. It's interesting how when things started working out for me professionally, the people that had been standing by me seemed to flake out, become distant, and withdraw support.

Maybe I'm the only one that sees it that way, but I've worked really hard this week. I have a paycheck and two children who had a great time with me today to show it, but my world is shrinking again.

A few people I trusted have really hurt me this week. I would say that cutting and running was a wise decision, and it probably was, but there's an empty space there for me. I don't know whether it's great that I've learned to break cycles of abuse or worse that I've learned how to cope with breaking my own heart.

I try to tell myself that I'm not afraid to be alone, that single people are happier, and I don't need anything else in my life, but I know that I crave interaction. I don't have close enough friends who want to come by often enough that it still seems we're friends. I don't tell the friends I seem to have how much it hurts when they ditch out on me. For a girl that rearranges my life to make it to the events for the people I care about, I can honestly say the favor is rarely returned.

I know that people don't mean to sleight me. I think they generally care about my well being and want my life to be full of good things. I'm not sure that outside of family and two very caring individuals who do show up for me, I have any real friends, just a pool of acquaintances that I enjoy spending time with.

Work this week hasn't made it easier--I feel nervous as the new girl, trying to fit a bit, be fun, and ultimately mostly ignored. I totally get it, it takes time to get to know people, but that doesn't change that despite my financial and family situation improving, I feel very alone.

There is something strange about this loneliness, however; I used to judge my life when I felt like this. The world seemed to be ending and I was worthless--I don't feel like that now. I don't mind working on art alone at night watching the television because I'm hoping it's temporary. I send out a few texts to attempt to stay connected. I fall asleep fine. My world's not ending. It's just not complete. I feel like a puzzle missing a few pieces. I find myself wondering if I'll ever have all of the pieces, complete in the puzzle, at the same time. I hope so.

Good Things Abound

I can't complain today. It's starting to feel like more things are going right than have in a long time.

I received a full-time job offer, was offered some additional part-time tutoring, and I have three pieces in an art show at Wild Boar Coffee in Fort Collins.

I think last week, those were all things I wasn't sure about. I'd had an interview, but no job offer. I had the show booked, but I was afraid it wouldn't happen. I hadn't received a tutoring client since I'd tried to get back into two months ago.

I tried to stay positive, upbeat, but I know that my cynic side was coming out a bit.

Today, I can be thankful and happy. I'm not going to jinx it, but this could be the fresh start and great day I've been hoping for.