that he could make her cry by uttering a single sentence
He didn't think
that anything between them had ever mattered
He thought
she felt the same way
He only knew
what it was to miss her when she was gone.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
A Gyroscopic Heart
Sometimes you can see, before the spin, the near-fall, but seemingly perfect balance of what's in and around my heart. I can't stop it spinning, nor can I show you what I'd like. My life has everything spinning so fast that the idea of slowing down to a settled rate in shared understanding isn't something I'm ready for.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Staying positive?
I think it's fair to say that people who have known me for a long time have seen that I generally am affected by negativity. I've let things stew and ruin my months, had arbitrary events outside of my control ruin my weeks, and small details ruin my days.
Lately, I haven't really been suffering from this crazy negativity. I don't know what's changed (aside from having lost 30 pounds since Jan--go me!) and trying to smile more, but even awe-inspiring minor catastrophes tend to roll down and off my back as I search for a solution instead of talking, brooding, and focusing on what happened. If anything, the mishaps have been amusing.
This week, the following crazy things have happened:
-As my kitten jumped up on the counter and my son ran behind me I was pouring cough syrup. The cat moved the phone, the kid moved me, and cough syrup stuck the buttons on my phone to where I couldn't cal out or use half of the letters on the keyboard. (Come on, if it was on a sitcom, you would have laughed.) Getting a new phone wasn't even really a hassle, the salesman actually found deals for me so that it wouldn't cost me a ton. For a tiny disaster, it actually led to a pretty good day.
-Grass is starting to try growing again, therefore; my allergies are angry and wreaking havoc on me. I've coughed, ended up with a painful ear infection, and I just went to the doctor, got what I needed and continued on. I mean, why focus on it. I don't feel great, but I'm not going to have a bad attitude on top of it. MY voice sounds electronic with the crazy frog in my throat ;)
-I decided to dye my hair to look nice in my fancy white and black dress for a work event on Saturday. I actually bought a nicer brand than I usually use with a foam that I wanted to try. The dye was in my hands, all over my shoulders, down my chest, on my ears, and everywhere else because the foam wasn't quite foamy and the gloves were VERY holey. I panicked for a split second and moved straight to problem solving.
I know these things seem like the way a person should handle issues, but I've been pretty bad with frustrations and crazy things happening in the past. Now it just seems like an event, and honestly, it's been kind of fun to overcome the random challenges.
Lately, I haven't really been suffering from this crazy negativity. I don't know what's changed (aside from having lost 30 pounds since Jan--go me!) and trying to smile more, but even awe-inspiring minor catastrophes tend to roll down and off my back as I search for a solution instead of talking, brooding, and focusing on what happened. If anything, the mishaps have been amusing.
This week, the following crazy things have happened:
-As my kitten jumped up on the counter and my son ran behind me I was pouring cough syrup. The cat moved the phone, the kid moved me, and cough syrup stuck the buttons on my phone to where I couldn't cal out or use half of the letters on the keyboard. (Come on, if it was on a sitcom, you would have laughed.) Getting a new phone wasn't even really a hassle, the salesman actually found deals for me so that it wouldn't cost me a ton. For a tiny disaster, it actually led to a pretty good day.
-Grass is starting to try growing again, therefore; my allergies are angry and wreaking havoc on me. I've coughed, ended up with a painful ear infection, and I just went to the doctor, got what I needed and continued on. I mean, why focus on it. I don't feel great, but I'm not going to have a bad attitude on top of it. MY voice sounds electronic with the crazy frog in my throat ;)
-I decided to dye my hair to look nice in my fancy white and black dress for a work event on Saturday. I actually bought a nicer brand than I usually use with a foam that I wanted to try. The dye was in my hands, all over my shoulders, down my chest, on my ears, and everywhere else because the foam wasn't quite foamy and the gloves were VERY holey. I panicked for a split second and moved straight to problem solving.
I know these things seem like the way a person should handle issues, but I've been pretty bad with frustrations and crazy things happening in the past. Now it just seems like an event, and honestly, it's been kind of fun to overcome the random challenges.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Coarse Correction
I have recently mistaken the idea of seeing the best in someone and hoping the best things for that person as putting it upon myself to try to help the person see the best in him/herself and try to help them work toward the best things.In this process, I've drained myself trying to understand what it is about me that makes it so that s/he can't see how wonderful s/he is.
What am I thinking?
I feel like a failure for another person's lack of faith in him/herself and his/her lack of optimism about life.
It's ridiculous. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I responded to a negative bit of drama, trying to see the light in a problem. There's being supportive and there's going too far. I need to keep myself in check :)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Delaney, a Modern Miracle & Tragedy
There are no words of comfort strong enough to help a parent who has lost a child to feel better, only words that we can lift up to remember a young girl that was a kind inspiration. My prayers go to her family, family friends, and the Bethel Lutheran Church community as we say goodbye to an angel.
Laney took her last breath of this world this morning, and her faith in God was so strong that she had not only accepted her death, but was excited. In an interview, Breanna Wadsworth (Laney's mother) said, "Her dying wish would be for everyone to just give each other a hug, just to forgive people and to let things go."
I think it's amazing that one person that we've been around for a few moments can make us think about how trivial most things are that we worry about.
There was a morning that Delaney was in church, and my son began to fuss and cry. She was so concerned for him and came back into the pew with a little stuffed rabbit, trying to make him smile. Within moments, the two were coloring. Her father, Jason, had said that Delaney felt responsible for taking care of little ones when they cried. Three years old and she had compassion, love, faith, and death all figured out for herself. She was so at peace with her own tragedy.
We cry out that it's not fair, it's wrong, and she just accepted what she could not change and made the best of it. I hope that we can all hug, forgive people, and let things go, not because it's what Delaney wanted, but she knew that's what this world needs.
Laney took her last breath of this world this morning, and her faith in God was so strong that she had not only accepted her death, but was excited. In an interview, Breanna Wadsworth (Laney's mother) said, "Her dying wish would be for everyone to just give each other a hug, just to forgive people and to let things go."
I think it's amazing that one person that we've been around for a few moments can make us think about how trivial most things are that we worry about.
There was a morning that Delaney was in church, and my son began to fuss and cry. She was so concerned for him and came back into the pew with a little stuffed rabbit, trying to make him smile. Within moments, the two were coloring. Her father, Jason, had said that Delaney felt responsible for taking care of little ones when they cried. Three years old and she had compassion, love, faith, and death all figured out for herself. She was so at peace with her own tragedy.
We cry out that it's not fair, it's wrong, and she just accepted what she could not change and made the best of it. I hope that we can all hug, forgive people, and let things go, not because it's what Delaney wanted, but she knew that's what this world needs.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Don't You Get Bored?
Ah, the question...do I get bored? In a conversation online today, I was chatting and due to my lack of a significant other and the fact I spend most evenings alone, I was asked this question.
Now I confess, some days I do get bored, but it's less out of lack of things to do and more out of lack of motivation on my part. Really, I'm quite good at thinking of things to do, most of which I'm sure other people don't probably do.
For example, this is my exercise equipment:
The Wave
The Wii
Now a normal person would probably not combine these two things. It may be dangerous and cause falling and bruises and crazy exercises in balance.
The truth? Spending at least an hour three times a week doing this is really making my backside look good. (And no, you can't watch...then I probably would really hurt myself.) Might make a good youtube video though :P
Other things I do (aside from trying to organize and clean--those are neverending it seems) include anythign musical. My newest endeavor is going to be learning how to play the fiddle. I was trying the bass guitar but my hands are just so small, the stretching was causing me problems and I got a little too frustrated so I'm trying something else for a bit. I also write and sing songs or play cop out music games on the Wii.
I've been working on my writing and have two of five novels coming along actually quite nicely.
Really, I think that boredom is more a lack of creativity than anything else. May you never be bored!
Now I confess, some days I do get bored, but it's less out of lack of things to do and more out of lack of motivation on my part. Really, I'm quite good at thinking of things to do, most of which I'm sure other people don't probably do.
For example, this is my exercise equipment:
The Wave
Now a normal person would probably not combine these two things. It may be dangerous and cause falling and bruises and crazy exercises in balance.
The truth? Spending at least an hour three times a week doing this is really making my backside look good. (And no, you can't watch...then I probably would really hurt myself.) Might make a good youtube video though :P
Other things I do (aside from trying to organize and clean--those are neverending it seems) include anythign musical. My newest endeavor is going to be learning how to play the fiddle. I was trying the bass guitar but my hands are just so small, the stretching was causing me problems and I got a little too frustrated so I'm trying something else for a bit. I also write and sing songs or play cop out music games on the Wii.
I've been working on my writing and have two of five novels coming along actually quite nicely.
Really, I think that boredom is more a lack of creativity than anything else. May you never be bored!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Lyrics: The Dresden Dolls - Coin Operated Boy
coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why i want a coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why i want a coin operated boy
made of plastic and elastic he is rugged and long-lasting
who could ever ever ask for more
love without complications galore
many shapes and weights to choose from
i will never leave my bedroom
i will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend....
coin operated boy
all the other real ones that i destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll
never let him go and i'll never be alone
not with my coin operated boy......
all the other real ones that i destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll
never let him go and i'll never be alone
not with my coin operated boy......
this bridge was written to make you feel smittener
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
i didnt think so but im still convinceable
will you persist even after i bet you
a billion dollars that i'll never love you
will you persist even after i kiss you
goodbye for the last time
will you keep on trying to prove it?
i'm dying to lose it...
i want it
i want you
i want a coin operated boy.
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
i didnt think so but im still convinceable
will you persist even after i bet you
a billion dollars that i'll never love you
will you persist even after i kiss you
goodbye for the last time
will you keep on trying to prove it?
i'm dying to lose it...
i want it
i want you
i want a coin operated boy.
and if i had a star to wish on
for my life i cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
i can even take him in the bath
for my life i cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
i can even take him in the bath
coin operated boy
he may not be real experienced with girls
but i know he feels like a boy should feel
isnt that the point that is why i want a
coin operated boy
with his pretty coin operated voice
saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
straight and to the point
that is why i want
a coin operated boy.
he may not be real experienced with girls
but i know he feels like a boy should feel
isnt that the point that is why i want a
coin operated boy
with his pretty coin operated voice
saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
straight and to the point
that is why i want
a coin operated boy.
copyright 2002 amanda palmer
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Is It Friday Yet?
Well, I made it through Thursday. This week has been frustrating on a few different levels.
Despite the attempt by brakes plus to rip me off (which I didn't let them do) and some crazy billing issues with Kevin's insurance, there have been quite a few irritating things that I either try to deal with or ignore depending on the moment.
Today, I feel like I come from a lifestyle that people just don't get. How hard is it to understand that when I'm at work I'm working and can't talk, I don't text while driving, and the most important thing in my life is my children? I'm not trying to sound bitchy, but the expectation that I'm going to drop everything that I need for my family's survival to fraternize is plain ridiculous. It's making me feel incredibly antisocial.
Despite the attempt by brakes plus to rip me off (which I didn't let them do) and some crazy billing issues with Kevin's insurance, there have been quite a few irritating things that I either try to deal with or ignore depending on the moment.
Today, I feel like I come from a lifestyle that people just don't get. How hard is it to understand that when I'm at work I'm working and can't talk, I don't text while driving, and the most important thing in my life is my children? I'm not trying to sound bitchy, but the expectation that I'm going to drop everything that I need for my family's survival to fraternize is plain ridiculous. It's making me feel incredibly antisocial.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)