The Invention of Guilt

Sitting, smiling, contemplating the rest of my day
Terse movements, rigid, you seem stressed
"Are you okay?"

It is relationships

It's money

I had this conversation

Nothing going right

And I'm here to listen

My smile fades
Could it be me
What did I do
Did I impact or move something along
Did this day, life, universe get ruined because of me

Has to be
Had to be
Always
Let me fix it
Let me help that
I will think of something
I will work this out

And you're fine, it's all figured out

I am emotionally, fiscally, and figuratively spent.

Time to curl up in that fuzzy blanket and go to sleep.

A Grown-Up Birthday Wish

Yep, today I turned 26. More and more, I am less and less interested in this particular date on the calendar. January 18th. Okay...I didn't really accomplish anything today. Honestly, the births of my children are far more significant--I really had to work for those!

Nonetheless, it's tradition to mark today, to celebrate today, for people in my life to be happy that I exist on this anniversary, today.

Some of my friends regularly take their birthdays off. A nice way, I suppose, to enjoy a quiet day, but my birthday has either always been off (due to its being on MLK weekend) or been one of the first days back to school. I couldn't take it off before and honestly, I don't think it's my best choice to take off work with so many responsibilities.

I always try to figure out, if I could do something significant to mark a birthday what would it be? I don't have too much of answer to that question, but I think this year, the plans are nice. Over the next few days I have sushi and dancing with friends, having coffee and playing paintball with my dad, enjoying a nice birthday dinner with Chinese food at my parents' home, and checking something incredible off of my life list: having tea at the Brown Palace.

I feel very lucky to have so many caring people in my life right now. However, getting older can be kind of negative when I actually have to admit it so I'm going to share my favorite bday card I've received this year so far:

I also started pondering today all of the different songs I've listened to through the years. And so, here are my favorite LK theme songs 1985 - Present:

1985: Wham! "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"
1986: The Bengals "Manic Monday"
1987: Beastie Boys "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)"
1988: Joan Jett and The Blackhearts "I Hate Myself for Loving You"
1989: R.E.M. "Stand"
1990: Tom Petty "Free Fallin"
1991: R.E.M. "Losing My Religion"
1992: Queen "Bohemian Rhapsody"
1993: Haddaway "What is Love"
1994: Ace of Base "Don't Turn Around"
1995: Melissa Etheridge "I'm the Only One"
1996: Sheryl Crow "If it Makes You Happy"
1997: Meredith Brooks "Bitch"
1998: Matchbox 20 "Girl Like That"
1999: Barenaked Ladies "One Week"
2000: Delerium feat. Sarah Machlachlan "Silence"
2001: Alicia Keyes "Fallin"
2002: Avril Lavigne "Things I'll Never Say"
2003: Jet "Are You Gonna Be My Girl"
2004: Hoobastank "The Reason"
2005: Butch Walker "Mixtape:"
2006: Kelly Clarkson "Because of You"
2007: Taylor Swift "Teardrops on My Guitar"
2008: Plasmacrash "Leveller"
2009: Die Brücke "Existential Angst (She Says)"
2010: Taylor Swift "Innocent"
2011: Pink "Raise Your Glass"

Granted, these songs don't represent most of the music I love, but if you want to get me singing or moving, these work pretty well.

Sodapop & Sudafed

Good morning...well not really. I think somehow a brick was lodged in my sinuses last night as I slept. Even with the Neti pot, a nice hot shower, and some tea, there's barely been a dent made in the coarse pan along my nasal passages.

And so, I went and bought some decongestant. Honestly, it amazes me what a complicated process it is to receive one box of 48 tablets. Granted, I am aware that it can be used in the process of creating meth, but for the sick girl that just wants to buy it so that she can take two, the license exchange, time spent doing data entry, and filling out the paperwork is a little too much. I didn't complain to the pharmacist and I won't go to the government telling them the law is inconvenient, however, to the meth creators: you suck and caused me an extra 15 minutes of nasal aggravation this morning.

I did, however, make a mistake in the drink I chose to take the decongestant and other pills I take in the morning. Diet Coke with Lime is tasty, but the second the pills hit my empty stomach (mistake number 2), I regretted it. And so I will now try to eat some bread to soften my stomach, but I think today may be a little rough. I hope this cold doesn't last long...

My Life as a Sitcom?

I think it's more or less official that my life would make a much better television show some days than it does a real life. (Seriously, half of the things that have happened to me seem much more like a "you've been punked" joke than something that could actually happen.)

Recently, a few friends joked that I should have a show and i have been pondering what I would call a show based on my haphazard life. Some of the suggestions: LK Unraveling, LK's Life, Crazy Kat Lady.

I can't say I'm overly thrilled about any of them because I wouldn't likely watch a show with any of those names and I'm thinking that a show about me is something I would hope people would be interested in. I mean, with a little rewriting it could be more funny, less unbelievable, and enjoyable.

So help me out. What's your idea and why do you think it would fit?

Consider the following:

In the last week, my son was in the hospital with a mystery diagnosis, my furnace went out, I found a kitten in a parking lot, I had lunch with my adopted grandma and her sister, I fell down the stairs while carrying my son, I had daughter drama as she fought about going back to school, I cooked a casserole dish in the microwave because I didn't have time to use the oven  (looked awful, tasted amazing), etc. etc.

With the added drama of friends, family, and evil exes, what will happen next?

The Benefits of Having a Mother who Games

Children, there are numerous reasons you should be incredibly thankful for mothers that play role-playing games, video games, and board games:

1. Your name is not Amberlaine, Dracon Feuer, Tessyton, Ruckley, Ba'Dass, Emony, Krissianna, Strongbad, Kittilaina, Forcewind, Raphael, Heartplate, Dax, Prometheus, Yarn Gnome, Azirini, Zug, Dezon, Edzec, Vazu, Audrid, Xaba, Hothot-ugn, Lil-Bo, R'othartam, Worf, or Kitty Panda because Mommy has player, non-player, familiar, and pet characters she can name cool things instead of causing you problems at school.


2. Instead of saying no all of the time, we leave it to a coin flip or a die roll. Trust me, you get your way a lot more often this way because it's about chance and not practicality.


3. Mothers may limit your video game playing time, but at least we understand. Isn't it better to have a mom that will play with you than one that tells you it's rotting your brain and you should never play? Hand eye coordination is very important.


4. Some families go to Yellowstone, others go to Comicon, and a few do both. Be thankful we're interested in exploring possibilities. Creativity goes a long way in planning vacations and everything else. We don't even have to leave the house to have an adventure.


5. You get to play with foam swords and pretend no matter how old you are without being ridiculed. You don't have to, but you know it's fun. And yes, I wear ridiculous costumes sometimes. At least I don't dress in spandex and hot pink over-sized sweaters.


6. It's easier to believe in wishes and dreams when you have a parent to believe in them with you. Want to be a rockstar or archaeologist? Let's do this! If you're committed, so am I. Mommy's characters didn't level up all alone.


7. I respect your privacy because I want some of my own. Leave my dice alone, you want some, ask Santa for some for Christmas.


8. I'm more inclined to let you become who you want to be. I wasn't a cheerleader or jock in high school, so if you are that's fine, but you had better be nice to the geeky types! Being both is all right too :)


9. My idea of a gym is Just Dance on the Wii. You get to make fun of me and I don't have to leave home to exercise. You know you like it too...



10. Your life will never be boring. You can say:

Security Breached

assaulted brain cells
cannot comprehend, keep up, find, fix
it's all a mess

Where did this mess come from?
How did I not complete so many things that I cannot complete anything new before dealing with this blur?
I cannot move forward through the muck.
This junk, the physical, physiological, emotional, religious, social, standard, mental...why did I let it remain?

bound to tornado
too far away from the epicenter
not close enough to the outside

no piece
peace of mind
around available or for me

It's time to clean up this damned catastrophe.

Dear Evil Kitten Forsaker

Seriously, what is wrong with you? What kind of person abandons a little kitten in the middle of a busy slush-filled parking lot?

She's a sweet little tortie. She can't be too much more than 2 months old. And now, being the kind-hearted girl I am, I couldn't leave her in the parking lot.

So you're a jerk and didn't have the balls to get her a home or take her to the shelter and now I feel obligated to find her somewhere to go.

(By the way, if you were trying to murder the cat, you're a complete pussy. I also hate you more than I would for abandoning her if you were hoping she'd get run over.)