Head ---> Desk

I don't know if I'm frazzled or distraught, sad or frustrated, upset or simply sick. There are way too many things occupying my mind right now and some of them should have remained insignificant, but I feel like everything is being magnified at least ten times for me emotionally. I'm hoping grabbing lunch and a short walk in the sunshine and fresh air is going to help, but I'm not sure that's going to be enough today.

Sting like a butterfly...

Let's face it...I'm not a very tough person when it comes to standing up against random things. It's easier for me to ignore it or make up reasons for it.

I feel like people make a lot of assumptions about everything. As a general rule, it's easier to think the worst than to hope for the best, but I wonder if that attitude is damaging the ability for people to connect.

Technology has made it easier. You type a line or two and send it off, any razor-sharp opinion or criticism on the web in less than a second. You can make friends with a button, delete them, message them, and generally interact without interacting. It can be seen as a problem or an opportunity. I feel that what I've been seeing lately is much more a problem though.

I waffle between wanting to put myself out there exactly as I am and protecting myself. Having words taken out of context, situations and conversations read into, intentions questions--honestly, it's really hard for me to handle.

I don't think anyone I care about wakes up in the morning and thinks, hey I want to ruin someone's life today or what can I do to make your life more inconvenient and crazy? I like to think that people have the best intentions and things just go awry sometimes.

But what do you do when something you've said or done or though gets put into a barrel and turned into something it isn't? What do you do when your integrity is questioned by someone without enough information to be judging? Turn the other cheek? Explain yourself? Fight?

I'd rather not do any of that. I hope that before I make assumption about people I ask them instead of ever assuming. It's so easy to make mountains out of molehills and I think it really damages the ability to be genuine.

If I've ever done this to you, I am sorry--I know I must have. As hard as I try not to judge a person, his/her intentions, and the general context of situations, I know I've messed up sometimes. Hopefully I can come up with ways not to in the future.

The Power of Drama

Just a thought...

Drama has the ability to tear it's victims to pieces,
squeezing their souls to mush,
unless the victim doesn't care,
then it doesn't have the power over anything.

Strive to Remember Compliments

I have a tendency to look at criticism and categorize and sort it in my long-term, permanent, iron-clad memory, but when it comes to compliments that make me feel proud, I take them, put them in the short-term, and forget them.

I received the nicest thank you note anyone has written me in a long time, not only because it showed appreciation, but it listed some of my strengths. I've decided to write it down so that I remember it:

LK: 
I just want to know that we appreciate you! 
So here are a few reasons why we appreciate you professionally and as a friend:
Also a few things I like about you:

• Your frugal sense is pretty incredible
• How you look at everything from various points of view
• How willing & ready you are to help others when you can
• How friendly you are to everyone
• How creative you are--you seem to have many groups/hobbies you're committed to
• How honest you are--you've helped me learn a lot as a leader
• Your generosity--breakfast buffet :)

I received it from my supervising leader and I feel quite proud to be myself today. I hope I can remember it on the days when I don't feel quite so good about being me. 

A Night at the Drive-In

I just had an amazingly delightful time at the Holiday Twin Drive-In movie theater. Strangely, everything about the stormy weather made the evening perfect.

Before the movies, the sky was mellow, allowing me and some of my colleagues to laugh and enjoy eating a few snacks while talking and joking about nuanced, trivial subjects. I don't get to see them out of meetings usually so it was nice to just hang out.

Right as the first movie was starting, it began to lightning closer to where we were and sprinkle a bit so one of my colleagues got in the car with me while the others went in the other vehicle. At first it was a little disappointing as we'd all hoped to watch together, but as the movie went on, I realized that my friend and I made a lot of similar jokes/remarks as the story unfolded. Where I usually feel awkward, I felt completely at ease.

I was also pleasantly surprised that as the weather got worse and worse, we both became giddy. It was fun to hear the rain fight against the metal of the car as Magneto moved metal onscreen. The hail also started during the end battle scene. It was as if the weather and the story coordinated to have their climax at the same time.

During the intermission, I got completely drenched going to the bathroom. I laughed the whole way there and back. I had forgotten how much fun it was to just be caught in the rain, hair going crazy, water dancing along my cheeks, soaking my clothes. At this point, I was looking forward to another commentary back and forth during Pirates 4, but unfortunately, my colleagues needed to get back home, so I was on my own in the car.

I was very uneasy at first, looking from car to car, worrying if I was the only person alone, and then I laughed at myself. It was a ridiculous thing to worry about (although I did lock my doors which I considered a sensible thing to do).

It was a little bit before the second movie began, but just as before, the rain was very light at first, but as battles raged with the great Captain Jack Sparrow (Who could have a bad night if it ended with Johnny Depp?), the rain grew harder. It really made the mood fun and engrossing because the rain and turbulent weather (especially during the mermaid fight scene) created an excellent environment that matched the movie.

I wouldn't call the movies I saw Oscar-worthy, but my experience certainly was. I need to remember to laugh at myself more and maybe accidentally find myself stuck in rain more often. I saw a long glimpse of the girl I am and want to be this evening, I wasn't so concerned with the details and let myself relax. I feel like the rest of this week is going to keep getting better and better.

A Little Perspective Please

I feel like I run into a lot of people that take a thumb tack and turn it into a mountain when it comes to problems. People should mention things that bother them or maybe get a little frustrated at the things that happen getting in the way of a positive end result, but I feel like the way things get blown out of proportion is simply ridiculous.

I think about people being told that they have cancer or that have a best friend get blown up in a war zone or taking too many drugs and ending up in rehab and suddenly a little inconvenience, a project behind schedule, and a person being rude during a presentation or having a birthday forgotten seems like background noise to me.

I get upset, probably a lot. I sound neurotic sometimes with the miniscule worries I allow to fill my head, running around trying to get things done, bringing myself to tears when I push the pain I feel too far, but I honestly wonder why I do it. Why does anyone do it? Instead of pushing forward, there are these mini-tantrums that take place when the complaints, the frustrations, and the sadness just pile up--we stop functioning. It's more about attention than perseverance and the degree to which that's counterproductive is immeasurable.

I think sometimes the idea that I "want" to be happy makes me forget that with how many things I do have that are positive in my life--I already am happy. I may want to achieve more or do better, but when it comes to the things that matter, I have the world. Hopefully I can remember that the next time I get frustrated.

The Socks Do Not Go In The Sandals

Unless you're two years old...I put my son in Teva shoes with socks because I don't want him to be uncomfortable with gravel in his shoes.

However, I saw a man in flip flops and socks today...how can that even be comfortable?