They Shouldn't Let Me Have Mtn Dew

In case you're wondering, the name was officially changed from Mountain Dew to Mtn Dew. I am bothered by this, but I was not abbreviating in the title, only commenting on the beverage as accurately as possible.

I was a bit tired this morning and when I got lunch, I ordered a Mtn Dew. I feel very jittery yet still not very awake. I'd forgotten how significantly I'd decreased my caffeine intake in the last couple of weeks.

Today, I'm really missing family...I'm thankful that it's movie night with my kids tonight and this weekend they'll be with me. I'm fond of having time to myself, but generally, like is a lot more fun when they're around (even if my kids have a tendency to like to drive Mom crazy sometimes...).

I'm honestly a bit stir crazy right now...I want to be busier than I am, but if I get too busy, I wouldn't be getting everything done, so I should be thankful for the down time.

I should be, but I'm really not...when I'm working but have no claims to work on, I can only so take much sitting still and checking out reviews of karaoke machines, prices on toddler batman toys, new book reviews and comments, and finding the best deal on a girl's size 7 Easter dress. On the upside, there are a lot of really neat gnome things, geek things, magnetic poetry sets, and cute kids toys/clothes/books on the internet.

Yay Tax Refund...

I was excited today to pay off my property taxes with my tax refund. I can honestly say that ten years ago, I generally would have predicted I would never be excited to pay bills. Yet, the idea of putting money in my children's savings accounts, paying the taxes, and putting something into savings is more important to me than whatever I may have seen myself spending my hard-earned money on.

I don't think I've become more practical. I'm still going to have some fun with the refund. I've been looking at garden gnomes to find the right one for my desk and I hope to find him soon. I want to purchase him and let him sit there, staring at everyone who passes my cubicle. I still enjoy frivolous things, but my focus is definitely more on the things I remember wondering about when my parents would sit and plan budgets. i realize now how important that financial security is and having children and being their primary provider, it's up to me to provide that security.

It's exciting, it's scary, and I feel a lot less stress today than I felt yesterday. Working as hard as I have been finally feels like it's starting to settle out and pay off. Yay for things when they go right!

I may have found him:

Wake Upon a Dream

The past two days have been strange. Although I'm not incredibly sick, I have this half-awake, half-asleep feeling that I can't shake.

In general, my sinuses have pressure, but only enough for a slight buzzing headache behind my ears. My eyes are not having drainage, but they do feel heavy. My chest hurts, but only when I cough. It's not hard to deal with, other that I feel like I'm in a cloud--it's as if this is only a reflection or shadow of life today. I don't note a difference in my reaction time, or even a decrease in my ability to communicate effectively, but I just feel out of phase with my day.

It's almost like deja vu but I know I haven't done the things I'm doing today until now. It's like deja vu but without the weird memory overlap. I know that people have days like this and describe them like going through a cloud. Sometimes I wonder if this is how people feel when they take drugs, and if so, why on earth does anyone take them? I feel like my mind and body are playing tricks on me and I really want to cuddle up and go to sleep?

Will I? Unlikely. As per usual, I have a list of things that must get done :P Sleeping should probably be added to that list, though...

Affirmations

I feel I've actually made a lot of progress on the goals I had set forth for myself on December 30th, 2011

In an ongoing effort to keep my self-talk positive, I wrote down some affirmations. In order to make sure they're easily accessible, I am writing them here. Disclaimer...if you think that I'm full of myself for writing nice things about myself, I don't care and maybe you should do the same for yourself because we often remember the negative far more than the positive we strive for <3

-I am a positive force for change in my community.
-I make new friends easily and I'm fun to be around/with.
-I am confident about my artistic abilities and writing. My friends and family love it when I share my work.
-I am organized and clean. I don't keep or bring things into my home that I do not want or need.
-I eat healthy and plan ahead for my family to be more cost effective and organized.
-I love being active, trying new things, being outdoors, and keeping my body in shape.
-I am beautiful, talented, and I am an amazing mother.
-I don't have anything to apologize for. People love who I am and they see the effort and love in my actions.
-I am smart with my time and only take on what is achievable and reasonable.

Dreaming of an LK-cation

I realized the other day that all of my vacation plans are short, hurried, usually involve children, and are generated depending on what someone else has come up with/what we want to get done/how we want to get it done.

I have not, in my adult life, taken a vacation that was purely mine, where everything I've done was truly to feel regenerated, selfishly, for myself.

I'm not saying that it bothers me that I tend to go to attractions, with people, taking my kids in tow, and generally wearing myself out to have fun and see new things, but as my life is changing, I'm actually considering trying to take a little time for myself--even if it's just a weekend, I may plan an LK-cation. I admire (and occasionally giggle) at the idea of attending a spa, but I think I may actually want to try it.

The wheels are turning...I've worked hard and I'm a bit worn out. I wonder if I can take some time without feeling completely guilty?

My desk needs some help

I just moved to a new cubicle...for the third time within a month, but it seems as though this is where I'll be staying for awhile.

The true travesty of the situation is, if you came to my desk at work, you would have absolutely no idea how geeky I am unless you can see my desktop image:

In the next couple of weeks, I am going to remedy the situation. I just wish I knew where to start...

I'm Refusing to Take Steps Back

I've rethought a lot of ideas I've not examined in the past. When bad things happen, I'd consider my setbacks as failures, I would take them personally, and overall allowed them to be debilitating for my future progress. I've always been good at riding the fine line between a reason and an excuse to stay stuck where I am.

Strangely enough, through no real success of my own, I've stopped. I'm accepting successes and rolling with punches and I am not sure why I'm not letting setbacks freeze me. For the first time in a long time, I just keep chugging forward, and I really wish I knew how I was doing it...