I got over myself after yesterday. I hate those moments when everything culminates, making me feel like nothing I can do or feel is going to be better.
I let things get to me that I really should have been able to ignore. My holiday spirit took a beating because I let my guard down around people that didn't appreciate gestures, however; part of me really needs to recognize that the spirit and the reciprocation of a smile are not necessary. It's hard to be happy and giving and thoughtful if you feel like it's something making people angry, but I forgot the original intent.
Another person won't know, ever (at least not for sure), that I genuinely want to improve his/her day. But me wanting to be kind cannot make someone else accept that. I forget sometimes that we all bring our own problems to a very large table, trying to relate. Some people lend themselves to cut off from contact because of pain they've been dealt in the past. Others eagerly accept kindness but shun connection, trying to get anything they can out of anyone without ever hoping to reciprocate or truly feel the warmth that person was expressing. I need to be more mindful of those experiences and hope that one smile or song or pretzel makes one person feel cared for.
It took hearing "Christmas Shoes" and watching Miracle on 34th Street to remind me of that.
Merry Christmas, and if you don't celebrate, I hope you have a lovely 25th of December anyhow. You can't fault a girl for wishing that you'll have a nice day <3
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