Once upon a time, I wore everything on my sleeve. I was frank about what or who I liked and my reasons, my heart bled out my throat as I backed causes, researched injustice, sang in church, and wrote in my notebooks. The problem with being so openly passionate is people figure out exactly how to hurt you. It's not hard with me. Despite the fact I have a tough chick side, I'm probably more susceptible and more sensitive than I would ever want to admit.
I often write about why I can't meet someone worth my time and I think the honest truth is, so many misconceptions and ridiculous boxes people put me in make it impossible to be seen for who I really am. Guys are comfortable with me. I have a lot of friends who are male because they can "talk to me" because they "would never date a girl like me".
What is a girl like me? A lot of things. I'm a mother and that's terrifying apparently. I mean I can understand that kids provide a challenge, but I think it's amazing that I'm in the non-consideration pile for dating because I have children. The funny thing is, it's usually because the guy has dated someone with kids before and things "went badly". I know the various circumstances, but honestly, I think if they really examined it, her having kids wasn't the issue, her being crazy and getting back with an ex or always looking for a better handout was the issue. So to mothers that are cruel to the genuinely nice guys that would be worth dating, I really dislike you when I hear these stories.
Another things I am? Divorced. The big D word. I understand the stigma, I understand why people want to know why, and I really wish that a choice I made hadn't turned out so badly, but it did. I think it's an admirable thing. I saved myself from a situation. I stood up, said no more, and protected myself and my children by doing what I thought was best. And here I am, in the no-dating pile. I must be crazy or desperate. Right...if I was crazy and/or desperate, I never would have dug myself out. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
In other news, my inability to go out on a whim is a problem. Sometimes being a gamer or liking certain types of music is a problem. Where do people come up with these lists? Oh right, I made my own :)
Well, we all try, and seems to me, a lot of us fail. So to all of the lonely hearts out there, I hope you are having a lovely night. Netflix, videogames, and Wii singing and dancing are good friends for a night alone. Chocolate seems to help too <3
If it's any consolation, I think most people are more sensitive than they would want to admit. I know I am.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing you are: A person who can withstand, and be confident in, moments of vulnerability. You know the things about you that dissuade potential partners; but, you also know that you are deserving of love. And, I think there is a lot to be said for that. :)