I'd Rather Have Ants

I wouldn't say I'm a cool person...I'm a bit hot-headed. (Let's be honest, if I get revved up, calming down is not my forte.)

Lately, I have been happy but stressed, and for the most part, I have been doing well. I've been able to breathe, take a walk, think through the messages I'm giving myself about a situation in order to really check what's going on and where my feelings are coming from. 

The problem is, I'm only able to apply the strategies when I'm not particularly connected to the person or situation causing the feelings of anger/hurt/etc. When it's someone I care about and I'm close to, it's much harder to separate it all out, and I feel the overall impulse to push people away when I'm getting upset. 

I know that it's good that I'm noticing that I do it, but I can't figure out why I can't stop and reexamine a situation that is closer to home when I'm not allowing myself to get befuddled over the little things any longer. I'm hoping that practice over time will help. I know a lot of people struggle with the same thing.

I know that it's easier to get angry/upset with people who are closer because it's safer. When I push, they pull. When they push, I pull, and everything turns out all right for the most part. I also know I'm not the only person who wishes that I could switch how I react to strangers with how I react to those close to me when I get upset.

Always something to work on...