The Wrong Kind of Ugly

I don't feel unattractive or impulsive or desperate, uninteresting, or sad. I do not lack talents, friends, ideas, creativity, or family support.

I do feel ugly today though. I feel like someone is pressing my buttons to make me angry and I don't want to snap. I often wonder why pressure affects me so greatly. Compared to this time last year, my life is a freaking cake walk right now, but I still feel this underlying nagging feeling. I can't make things right. I want them to be perfect RIGHT NOW.

I keep having to remind myself how far I've come in the last year, as an independent woman, as a mother, as an employee, and as an artist. It's hard to remember where it was that I was coming from and I can nearly taste where I'm trying to go. If I get too impatient, I'm going to lose sight of what I set out to do in the first place.

Some of the frustration is definitely my fault...beating myself up when the dishes aren't done, falling asleep in the pile of folded laundry (it's so warm...), and feeling irritation sometimes when the kids interrupt me. I need to keep reminding myself that judging myself constantly and worrying about what everyone though is what created the problems in my life before.

I need to relax my mind and refocus so that I remember for myself and for my kids that the life I want, we are working toward together and communication is the best key I have for that.

Wish me luck!