I've come across so much intentional indecency lately, people and situations where a complete disregard for emotion and safety is concerned.
I am hurt, badly, but I don't feel like it's necessary to explain why or by who, only that I think the overall selfish nature of society is something I cannot comprehend and hope I'm not party to.
I hear things about myself, sometimes from the mouths of people that don't know I am who they're talking about. Rumors...such a high school concept yet still present. I wish the world would grow up. I have to admit that some of the rumors, where I live a more risque and glamorous life cause me pause on occasion. It's fun to imagine that I am somehow a less concerned person.
People that really know me know how truly finicky I am. Scared and wanting to try new things but only hoping to find a pocket of people that I truly feel that I can trust.
I think what makes is stranger is I believe a lot of people are looking for the same thing. This selfish disregard for others I'm starting to think is a defense most of the time.
So how can the process be reversed?
I have no need for dishonesty or pain from recklessness in my life. It's too short and wonderful for that. I'm hoping that I can shed the negativity truly believing that it's not me that people are intentionally hurting but moreso a product that people have lost the ability to notice when they hurt each other.
You are certainly not party to any selfishness, LK. Always putting other people first, reaching out even when you yourself are exhausted, and making friends and family the top priority in your life - selfish is the last thing I would think to call you.
ReplyDeleteI have also noticed the selfish disregard for others of which you speak. But, I hope it makes you feel better to know that I also see its opposite. The toy store where I work often has the small community feel of a place where people treat each other with genuine kindness.
It is interesting to think of selfish disregard for others as a defense. But maybe, rather than being a defense from socialization, it is a defense against its instigator's own hurt feelings? Just a thought.
I'm sorry you are hurt, LK. I <3 you, and hope you will see a turn-around soon!
- Erin