Turning a Corner?

I'm certain that people that met me a year ago wouldn't recognize me right now. So much has changed. I really think I'm learning the ropes of my own life instead of trying to figure out what other people want or need from me.

That's all I used to worry about. How can I help this person? What can I do to make everything better? This person makes me uncomfortable, but how can I change that to better serve them? Worst of all: I don't matter, it's better bad things happen to me than to someone else.

I was a rug, a diverse walking carpet for the lost, weary, and emotionally draining. I would give and give and give until my emotional state was so negative that I was no longer a pleasant person to be around.

I wondered why friends that were upbeat didn't want to spend time with me. I worried constantly about people that never gave me a second thought.

I admit, I struggle sometimes when a person seems to "need me" or makes me feel like I've wronged him/her. I don't want to hurt another person, yet I have to find the kind of balance where my well being is my priority.

I don't think I could have made a choice a year ago just to eliminate an emotionally draining person from my life. I used to think that the more you gave into a relationship, the better it would make you feel in the long run. I can't function like that. I only have so much time and so much to give, I can't deal with people sharing only the negatives and never rewarding me with the positives.

I want to be a driven, positive, successful person. I've heard over and over again, you are the combination of the five people you spend the most time with. I want those people to be driven, positive, compassionate, fun, and successful. I want to see goals and aspirations, action plans and passions--I need to be around the kinds of things I seek.


I believe in the power to change and seek out a future that will be entirely fulfilling and positive. Every day is not going to be easy, in fact I doubt any days will be. I just want to keep moving forward and looking for that balance. I need to learn to leave things behind that hold me back from being a productive, happy person.

Without creativity and positive influences in my life, I could fall back into being a carpet. I'm too empowered for that. I have the power to make a difference in my life and the lives of others, but I need to choose my friends and contacts carefully. I didn't before and I ended up in a lot of dark places emotionally. Life is full of opportunity, love, and passion. I really hope I never forget that.