Half an Inch Off

I get frustrated sometimes, the kind of disgruntled that leaves me feeling sick to my stomach, a square peg shoved partially into the wrong hole and painted the wrong color. I stick out like a sore thumb or I'm completely invisible. I really wish I could find a balance between the two.

The last couple weeks have been hard. I've had to brush things off that really bother me. I know people like me well enough, but most of my friendships aren't overly strong. I don't get invited to the big events, I don't get considered when someone is sitting at home wondering who to hang out with--I'm just that girl seen in that place with those other people.

Now I used to get this feeling but I wasn't making as much of an effort to get to know people. Now I try, but the result seems the same. I only fit in some places, but friends don't generally think of me otherwise. I don't know if it's the immediacy of the culture or that people are happy enough with their groups of current friends that adding another person just isn't in the cards.

I'm not really meaning to complain, just contemplating. Too many things in the past couple weeks I would have liked to be a part of. I get invited to the events to support a cause or remember a lost friend, but not to the celebrations. Hopefully that will change with time.